How Assumptions and Fearful Thoughts Keep You Stuck (And How to Break Free)
Ever thought something like this?
- “She doesn’t text back… she must be mad at me.”
- “They didn’t invite me… they must not like me.”
- “I failed once… I’ll never be good enough.”
If you’ve been there, hey! You’re not alone. The truth is, your biggest enemy isn’t that person, that situation, or even that heartbreak. It’s the story your mind makes up based on fear, insecurity, or just plain guessing.
Let’s talk about it. Slowly. Kindly. And clearly.
What’s the Real Problem? Not What You Think…
Our minds love to fill in the blanks. When we don’t know something, our brain writes a story to make sense of it. It often writes a negative one. It is not because we’re broken, but because our brain wants to protect us from pain (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Let’s say your friend doesn’t wave at you. Your brain might whisper:
“Maybe they’re mad at you.”
But what if they just didn’t see you?
Boom. That’s how false stories are born. One tiny event becomes a big story, all in your head.
Proof from Psychology (Yep, Real Science!)
According to Dr. Matthew Lieberman, a social neuroscientist at UCLA, the brain is wired for stories. In fact, the same area of your brain that processes physical pain also lights up when you feel emotional rejection (Lieberman et al., 2007). That’s why imagined fears feel so real.
And then there’s the amygdala, the fear center of your brain. When it senses danger (even if it’s just someone’s silence), it starts a fear response (Phelps & LeDoux, 2005). Your heart races. Your thoughts spiral. And suddenly… you’re fighting a war that may not even exist.
What Is a “Mind Story”?
A mind story is:
- An assumption.
- A guess.
- A fear dressed up like truth.
- A memory replaying like a broken record.
These stories usually sound like:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “They’re judging me.”
- “If I try, I’ll fail again.”
They’re sticky. They feel real. But they’re not always true.
And the worst part? We often believe them without fact-checking.
Real Talk: This Isn’t Your Fault
Let’s pause for a second.
Take a breath. Like, really – inhale, exhale, and just be still for a moment. Because what you’re about to read might feel simple, but it’s deeply true.
If you’ve lived your whole life believing the stories in your head—those harsh, critical, anxious thoughts; you are not broken.
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re not weak.
You’re not behind.
You’re human!
And humans come with brains. Brains that are incredibly powerful, but not always accurate. They’re like alarm systems, constantly scanning for danger—even if there isn’t any.
Your brain’s main job is not to make you happy. It’s to keep you safe.
That means if something hurt you before—rejection, embarrassment, failure—your brain takes note. And the next time you’re in a similar situation? Boom. It sends warnings. It shouts:
“Remember what happened last time? Let’s avoid that at all costs!”
And how does it do that?
By telling stories. Scary ones!
Stories like:
- “You’re not good enough.”
- “They don’t care about you.”
- “You’re going to mess this up again.”
Here’s the thing: those thoughts aren’t facts. They’re just your brain doing what it’s built to do: protect you from pain.
But like an overprotective parent, sometimes it goes way too far. It keeps you from speaking up. It convinces you to hide. It tells you to expect rejection even when love is right in front of you.
It means well. But it’s misinformed.
So instead of beating yourself up for thinking this way, or wondering why you “can’t stop overthinking,” try a new approach:
Let’s learn how to notice the story your mind is telling.
Spot the Story Before It Spreads
Here’s how to spot your “mind enemies”:
- Ask yourself: “What’s the story I’m telling myself?”
- Find the facts: What do I actually know for sure?
- Play detective: Are there other explanations?
- Talk kindly: What would I say to a friend thinking this?
- Breathe: Most thoughts pass if you don’t grab onto them.
Lessons to Take With You
1. Assumptions are not facts.
Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true.
2. Your brain wants safety, not truth.
It’s trying to protect you, not always tell the whole story.
3. Pause, don’t panic.
Before reacting, breathe and ask: “What else could be true?”
4. Rewrite the story.
Instead of, “I failed, so I’m a failure,” say, “I tried, I learned.”
5. You’re not alone.
We all have these stories. They just don’t talk as loudly as yours do inside your head.
What You Can Say Instead (Try These!)
- “I don’t have all the facts yet.”
- “Let me give them the benefit of the doubt.”
- “This feeling will pass.”
- “I’ve made it through worse.”
- “What would future-me say right now?”
Simple, right? Like talking to a 3rd grader inside your own head. Because sometimes that’s exactly who needs the comfort.
Final Thoughts (Not a Goodbye)
Here’s the gentle truth: You are not your thoughts.
Let that sink in.
You are not your fear.
You are not your insecurity.
You are not the worst story your mind tells.
You are the observer. The storyteller. And with a little practice, you can choose a better ending.
So next time your mind whispers, “You’re not enough,” pause. Breathe. Say,
“That’s just a story. I choose peace today.”
And keep going.
FAQs
Q: Why do I always think the worst?
A: Your brain is wired for survival, not happiness (Baumeister et al., 2001). It prepares you for danger by imagining the worst-case scenario.
Q: Can I stop these thoughts?
A: You may not stop them completely, but you can notice, pause, and choose differently. That’s power.
Q: Are there books that help?
A: Yes! Try “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer. Both help you separate truth from mental noise.
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